I had already tried to fix the screen once.  MISTAKE! I used crazy glue.  I tried to crazy glue the screen to the frame and the little rubber tube thing* that was originally holding the screen on.

Obviously this was ineffective.

A couple of weeks after that failed attempt, a friend of mine came over and was like, “Hey moron, you have to put the screen back under the rubber thing,” and showed me how to pry out the tube with a kitchen knife, put the screen back, and push the tube back in.  Of course, since most of the tube was now crazy-glued to the door frame, this was mostly ineffective.

So on Saturday, what I did was take some nail polish remover  (as every resourceful lady knows that acetone nail polish remover dissolves crazy glue) and a particularly sharp butter knife to the rubber tube, pried the whole thing off, put the screen back where it was supposed to be, and relaced the rubber tube.  A job well done.

*After I had completed this task, I learned that the rubber tube thing is called spline.